FOR TO MAKE A TURKEY Middle English (old) (revised) Aſayle hem wyþ a ſcearpe Knif. Pluk hem of his Fethers & ſmyte aſide his Hevyd & Fete. Caſt oute his Noumbles & do þerinne full of gode Farſure. He ſchayl be roſted inne his Juyſes. Hakke aſide his Fleyſche as deſyred & ſerue forthe. — Evan Linde, in þe Yeare of Our Lord Nouembre 27, 2004 |
HOLIDAY TURKEY Modern English (politically correct) Go to your nearest supermarket which
shamelessly exploits helpless, inhumanely-raised animals for profit. Purchase a turkey
suitable to your holiday needs. Desecrate the
corpse of the poor turkey, whose murder you
have created a market for, in a hot oven until
done. When you come to realize your guilt,
donate the roasted body of the turkey you
have exploited to the homeless who have not
yet had their consciousness raised or feed it to
hungry animals. Eat tofu-turkey instead, and
join an animal rights organization to atone for
your cruelty towards animals.
|